


Another Word for Desperate

by deepfriedtofu (Liquidtofu)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-02 07:00:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2803709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liquidtofu/pseuds/deepfriedtofu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasuke is back in Konoha, but he barely leaves his apartment. Naruto is determined to keep Sasuke from succumbing to darkenss once more. Post chapter 698</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Another Word for Desperate

„Go away,“ Sasuke said glumly. His voice was slightly muffled by the door between them.

“Open the door, Sasuke,” Naruto commanded.

“No.”

Naruto punched the door. “Come on, It’s been days since you’ve been outside.” Sasuke could really make him feel frustrated like no other.

“Oh? and how would you know?” Sasuke’s voice mocked him.

“Everybody said they haven’t seen you in a while,” Naruto explained.

“So what? Just because I don’t want to see them doesn’t mean that I didn’t go outside,” he answered coldly.

“You know what? You’re obviously not in the mood to talk, I’ll come back tomorrow,” Naruto answered, frustrated by Sasuke’s stubbornness. He was just concerned for his friend, who decided to be a pain again.

It had been a week since Sasuke returned to Konoha together with them. Kakashi, the new hokage, used his power to fully pardon him. Naruto had been occupied with helping the efforts of rebuilding the village and offering support to those in need, and thus he had been neglecting Sasuke. He had been so busy and used to Sasuke not being around, that he had forgotten about him. Every day from morning till evening, he helped villagers or friends with their needs. When Sakura asked him about Sasuke’s well-being, he felt incredibly guilty and went to visit his friend, who had been holed up in his apartment the whole time (apparently). Sasuke had moved into an apartment that was a five minute walk from Naruto’s after his return to konoha.

“This Sasuke, even now he’s so difficult,” Naruto grumbled.

After his failed attempt at communication with Sasuke, Naruto went to Ichiraku, as he finally had the opportunity to do so again, after the war ended.

“Oyaji, one bowl of ramen please!”

“Right away. Which flavor?” Teuchi asked.

“Hmm…” Naruto thought it over, “it doesn’t matter.”

“Not in a good mood today? You’ve been so cheerful since you came back to the village.”

“Yea, it’s just Sasuke’s a pain, as usual.” Naruto looked at the counter, frustrated by his own inability to reach out to Sasuke.

“Don’t let him drag you down, Naruto. Here, this bowl is on the house.”

“Thanks so much, oyaji!” Naruto grinned at Teuchi, who smiled back amicably, and started eating hastily.

After his fifth bowl, Naruto decided to go to the hospital, to ask if there was anything he could help with. He wanted to see Sakura again, but knew that there were many patients to take care of. The hospital was bustling with activity, as there were people running around hastily and Naruto had to evade them in order to avoid any accidents.

“Sakura-chan!” Naruto said happily, when he finally spotted his pink-haired friend.

“Naruto,” Sakura smiled. She was at the reception, looking through files. “I bet you want to ask if there’s anything you can help with.”

“You bet,” Naruto grinned.

“You could help with cleaning up the unused rooms. It’s getting a bit cramped in the rooms available to us and there are still many patients who have to stay here for a while,” she offered.

“Aw, that sounds so boring,” Naruto pouted.

“But you want the patients to be comfortable, right?” she coaxed.

“You’re right,” he conceded. “So, which rooms need to be cleaned up?”

“The seventh and eighth floors haven’t been used for a while.”

“Got it!” Naruto followed the direction she had indicated to him in order to locate the rags and other things he would need.

“ Kagebunshin no jutsu!” He conjured his kagebunshin, as soon as he got into a part of the hospital that was less crowded.

The kagebunshin started running towards the room where the cleaning utensils were kept and each grabbed either a rag or cleaning agent. Naruto wasn’t too enthusiastic about the work, but he knew that he was cut out for it, since there were a lot of rooms that hadn’t been taken care of due to the war that were brimming with dust and he had the means to clean them quickly.

By the end of the day, he had finished only the seventh floor. Slacking off a bit had been inevitable, as the work grew really boring and repetitive after a while. After several hours, he let his bunshin continue the cleaning while he went for a walk. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes, just listening to the noises around him. It felt wonderful to live in a peaceful village again; to leave past sorrows behind him. Life was truly wonderful, if there wasn’t Sasuke, who didn’t want to take part in the peaceful everyday life of konoha.

After some time, he decided to cancel the jutsu. When the memories returned to him, he wrinkled his nose. It was almost as if he could still feel the dust inside his nostrils, despite the mask he had worn.

The time he spent after returning the village was mostly spent with recuperating for a day and then there were mostly boring tasks, such as cleaning up rooms or carrying debris. There were also exciting moments, such as the time Iruka asked him to show the children how to make a proper bunshin. They had all looked at him in awe, when the whole room was filled with his kagebunshin. It felt good to be liked and needed.

“I wonder if Sasuke has eaten,” Naruto muttered to himself.

While he had been socializing and having fun with his friends, Sasuke must have been all alone. _But he could have done the same_ , a treacherous voice in the back of his mind whispered.

“That’s not true!”

“What isn’t true?” Kakashi voice resounded right next to his ear.

“Aah, you scared me!” Naruto exclaimed.

Kakashi chuckled. “You were talking to yourself right in the middle of the street.”

Naruto looked around, if someone else had been listening in, abashed by his behavior. The people in the street just walked by him, unaffected by his outburst.

“Don’t worry. I think everyone is already used to your behavior.”

“Whatever,” Naruto pouted. “I was just thinking about Sasuke.”

“What about him?”

“He hasn’t been seen by the others lately,” Naruto explained.

“Is that so? I’m not really surprised. There’s nothing here for him. He came back because of you,” Kakashi said casually.

“But he has friends here, like Sakura, Ino…” he stopped.

If Naruto truly thought about Kakashi’s words, he had to admit they were true. Sasuke wasn’t really friends with anyone besides Naruto and Sakura and he didn’t seem to particularly value Sakura’s friendship. Ino was only one of the numerous girls who used to have a crush on him.

“I see you realize what I mean,” Kakashi said. “Ja, I’m going now. Today I got off early.”

“Wait! I have more questions!” Naruto yelled, but Kakashi had already disappeared in a puff of smoke. “What is he going to do anyway, he doesn’t have any hobbies. ‘I have many hobbies’? Yeah sure,” Naruto said sarcastically.

He went to a restaurant and bought take-out sushi, since he already ate ramen for lunch and was sure that Sasuke would prefer sushi to ramen. When he arrived at Sasuke’s door, he knocked loudly.

“Hey, teme, I got you something to eat, it’s not ramen, don’t worry,” Naruto yelled.

“I already ate,” was the short answer he was greeted with. Sasuke didn’t open the door.

“Then you can eat some more,” Naruto insisted.

He heard some footsteps leading away from the door, which meant that Sasuke was no longer behind the door. He kicked it in frustration. Even after five minutes of lingering in front of Sasuke’s apartment hoping for him to open up- silence was all that remained. Naruto left a portion of the take-out food he bought for _them_ in front of Sasuke’s door and went home.

At his living room table, silently fuming at Sasuke’s behavior, he shoveled the food into his mouth, barely tasting the flavor.

“After all these years, he’s still being a bastard,” he cursed.

When he was done with eating, he cooled down a bit and was curious if Sasuke had eaten what he had brought him. After he made his way to Sasuke’s apartment for the second time that day, he noticed that the food he had deposited in front of the door was gone. It was either taken by someone else (maybe one of the neighbors?) or Sasuke had taken it and eaten it. Naruto strongly hoped it was the latter option. Satisfied for the time being, he went back to his apartment and decided to spend a quiet evening, reading a volume of icha icha.

Technically, he wasn’t allowed to as he was not eighteen yet; practically, he got them from Jiraiya himself and no one bothered him for as long as he didn’t read them in public, like Kakashi did. At one point, he felt a tear slip down his face, as he thought of the teacher he had lost so early. He had known him for such a small portion of his life, before this cherished person, too, was taken away from him.

When he was done with one chapter, he closed the book and put it on his nightstand. Overwhelmed by the memories, he curled up on his side. He smiled, when he imagined his father, the same age as him at the time, training with Jiraiya. Since Naruto had never properly gotten to know his parents, he often imagined how they used to be. The father he imagined was gentle and comforting, yet strict as well. Even if his father wasn’t alive and he barely had the chance to get to know him, there was a soothing emotion welling up inside of him whenever he thought of Minato. His parent’s sacrifice had taught him to truly value his life that they had died for. With a smile on his lips, he fell asleep.

The next day, he headed back to the hospital to finish his work.

“I’m almost done, Sakura!” He said enthusiastically, after he had asked one of the medic nin to tell him in which room she was working in.

Sakura smiled when she laid her eyes on him. She was sitting next to a patient’s bed and put her stethoscope aside to talk to him. “Thanks to your help, we’ll be able to move the patients tomorrow. It won’t be as cramped as it is now.”

“Yosh! Nice to hear that! I’m going back to work,” he ran to the eighth floor, which he hadn’t cleaned yet.

By lunch he was done with all rooms and went back to Sakura, eager to tell her that he had finished the task she had assigned him with.

“Sakura-chan, I’m done with all rooms now. I’m going for lunch, see you next time!” He was about to leave, when she stopped him.

“We can eat lunch together, you know,” she proposed.

“That’s okay,” Naruto grinned reassuringly, “I bet you’re busy. I’ll go by myself.”

“I’m not that busy,” Sakura insisted. “I just need five minutes to check on one more patient, then I’m free.”

“Well, if you’re sure,” Naruto scratched his cheek, “it’s a date then!” He grinned. It was said more out of habit than a real desire to go on a date with Sakura.

Sakura whacked him on the head. “I never agreed to that!” She yelled.

“Fine,” Naruto pouted.

“Let’s go,” she said in a softer voice. “Do you want to go to ichiraku?”

“Yea! Sure!” Naruto walked ahead eagerly.

After they sat down and ordered, Sakura turned to him with a serious expression.

“There’s something I wanted to talk about with you,” She started.

“Huh? What is it?” Naruto asked obliviously.

“Have you seen Sasuke lately?”

Naruto scratched his cheek. “I have…” _if talking to him through a door counts as seeing_.

Her look softened. “That’s good, I just wanted to make sure you don’t forget about him, since you’ve been so busy helping us and all.” Her eyes looked at him meaningfully.

“Hey!” Naruto cried indignantly. “It’s not like I would just forget about Sasuke like that! And you haven’t been to see him either!”

Sakura averted her eyes. “I haven’t, but then I’m sure that he wouldn’t want to see me, anyway.”

Naruto felt ashamed of his insensitivity. “I’m sure it’s not like that and you’ve been really busy anyway” he amended. “You know he just never says what he thinks.”

Sakura looked up at him and smiled weakly. “Thanks for trying to cheer me up, but I know now that there’s no space in his heart for me.”

Naruto didn’t know what to say. “We could go see him together next time, you know?” he proposed.

“That’s okay,” she waved it off, “I still have a lot to do, now that I’ve recovered from our battle. It helps me, you know.”

“Don’t work too hard.” It seemed as if Sakura was trying to distract herself from her unattainable crush.

“Don’t worry. I know my limit, unlike you two knuckleheads.” She chuckled.

“Hey,” Naruto pouted, but didn’t protest.

They ate their steaming bowls in comfortable silence, both lost in their thoughts. Naruto tried to wrap his head around Sakura’s words. If there was no space in Sasuke’s heart for her- the only female he ever got close to- then who would be able to worm her way into Sasuke’s heart? Genuinely wishing for his friend to be happy, Naruto went over a few possibilities. Ino? No, her character was volatile as well. Tenten? She seemed to show not even the slightest ounce of interest in Sasuke. Hinata? She was in love with Naruto. He cringed at the thought of her heartfelt confession he brushed aside. In times of war, there was no real opportunity for him to properly reject her, as they needed her powers. During the Fourth Shinobi World War, Hinata had become one of his closest friends, so he resolved to properly reject her soon.

As he was unable to come up with any female that would be suited for Sasuke, he decided that the only solution was to make Sasuke see how great Sakura would be for him.

“Sakura, leave it to me. I’m gonna make Sasuke fall in love with you!” Naruto grinned at her determinedly.

Sakura sighed. “You’re really a baka, aren’t you?” She twirled the chopsticks around in her bowl. “There’s only one person who is really right for Sasuke and it’s not me.” There was a resigned yet resolved tone to her voice.

“Who is it then?” Naruto asked.

Sakura stood up, having finished her bowl. “It’s your treat, isn’t it Naruto?” She asked cheerfully. “Thanks, I’ll see you next time!” She waved and was gone before Naruto could respond in any way.

“Kakashi-sensei and Sakura are always speaking in riddles,” Naruto cursed. “Another bowl of miso ramen as take away, please!” Naruto put the money on the counter. It didn’t elude him that Sakura was purposefully avoiding his question.

“Right away,” Teuchi answered.

Naruto made his way to Sasuke’s apartment once again. This time, he tried a different approach. Instead of knocking on the front door like an idiot, he went to the window of Sasuke’s bedroom, to try and see if he was in there. Sasuke was lying on his bed, reading a book. From the angle he was sitting on the tree, he wasn’t able to decipher the title. Sasuke noticed his presence, and shut the book, before he opened the window and glared at Naruto.

“What do you want?” He asked gruffly.

“I brought you lunch,” Naruto held up the bag he held in his right hand.

“Thanks,” Sasuke said and reached for the bag.

Naruto quickly retracted his hand, so that Sasuke was unable to take it from him.

“Let me in,” Naruto demanded.

“No,” Sasuke said simply and he was about to close the window again, when Naruto jumped onto the windowsill.

“Just leave me alone,” Sasuke said with annoyance evident in his voice.

“No,” Naruto retorted. “Let me in,” he repeated. He met Sasuke’s glare with his own.

“Why should I?”

“It’s not good to be alone all the time,” Naruto explained his reasons.

“I like being alone just fine,” Sasuke said curtly.

“Well, just let me in for five minutes and then you’ll be alone again,” Naruto tried to convince Sasuke. He wasn’t about to give up, since he was already used to Sasuke brushing him off. Sometimes, Sasuke needed a little push in the right direction.

“Fine,” Sasuke gave in and moved aside to let Naruto enter his apartment.

Naruto absent-mindedly handed Sasuke the bag and took in the interior of the apartment. There was barely any furniture and what little there was looked very simple.

“I didn’t want the memories,” Sasuke broke Naruto from his thoughts.

“Huh?” Naruto asked dumbly.

“My old furniture reminds me of Itachi,” Sasuke elaborated. He went towards the kitchen.

Naruto was acutely aware of the fact that Sasuke had just bared a piece of himself to him. Sasuke had just told him what he thought; what he felt. There was an odd and indefinable feeling inside of him, as he followed Sasuke.

Sasuke was leaning against the kitchen counter, eating his ramen. He looked at Naruto intently, but no words left his mouth. A few moments passed in which Naruto awkwardly stood in the middle of the room, being at a loss. Should he make small talk like always? Should he try and probe further; ask about Itachi? He was afraid that Sasuke would withdraw into his shell once more if he did.

He felt that the outcome of their encounter was depending on his reaction to Sasuke’s words. Trying to stall a bit longer, he went to the window and looked outside. He turned to look at Sasuke again, who was still looking at him with an unreadable expression.

“Do you think about Itachi often?” Naruto asked tentatively. He decided to approach the subject in the hopes of showing Sasuke that he could help lessen the burden he was carrying.

“Yes,” Sasuke leaned his head to the side a bit.

“Is it bad?” Naruto continued.

Sasuke closed his eyes for a second. “Yes,” he replied again.

Naruto’s heart was beating fast. This was the first time he had truly gotten Sasuke to talk to him and he didn’t want to ruin the moment. _Think, Think, Think_ -

“It’s okay to think about him. I think about ero-sennin and tou-chan and kaa-chan. I feel sad, of course, but this way they will stay alive inside of me.” Naruto said the first thing that came to his mind, remembering that he himself had been thinking of his lost loved ones just the night before.

“Hn,” Sasuke answered noncommittally and threw the bowl into the trashcan. “Five minutes are over,” he gestured towards the door with an apathetic expression.

Naruto nodded, knowing that their conversation was over. He didn’t want to ruin his progress in getting Sasuke to open up, so he wordlessly went to the front door. He looked back one last time and saw Sasuke watching him from the kitchen’s doorframe.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EARLY New Year's present to my readers.
> 
> Although this is written from Sasuke's POV, it's not what Sasuke really thinks at all times. He's not honest.
> 
> This chapter is kinda dialogue heavy, as I feared that people would get bored with my old style that included long expository blocks.
> 
> I'm sure you'll notice my sarcasm and disbelief at what Kishimoto decided to make canon during this chapter several times.
> 
> I don't care if you think I'm moving too fast, I need some smut in the next chapter, or I'll get bored when I write the story.

“Five minutes are over” were his last words to Naruto, who had wormed his way inside Sasuke’s thoughts once more.

It was a strange thing. Sasuke was aware that his feelings, his entire mind were conflicting, when it came to Naruto. There was a side of him, the one he showed most often, that wanted to punch Naruto at worst or avoid him at best. Deeply hidden, there was another side that he barely acknowledged, the one that made him want to tell Naruto to stay and ask him ‘why?’. Naruto had been the one person who never let go of him, who never let him fall, despite his behavior and his scathing words, cutting deep into wounds that he had caused.

Naruto was an enigma to him because no one kept persisting like he did. Even Sakura had given up on him, evidenced by her lack of contact during the time he had been back in Konoha. It didn’t feel like a loss, it didn’t feel like much at all. She was wiped from his thoughts long before she gave up on him. The only person who had occupied his mind like Itachi did was Naruto, the perpetually happy loudmouth that continued to knock on his door every day without fail.

Why was it that he was never able to cut Naruto off directly?

There was a knock on his door. Sasuke walked towards it, having already anticipated Naruto’s presence. He opened it, aware of the fact that Naruto would try to find another way into his apartment if he didn’t.

“Naruto.”

“Sasuke,” Naruto thrust a plastic bag into Sasuke’s hands, before walking past him and into the kitchen.

“Not ramen this time?” Sasuke asked sarcastically.

“Not this time,” Naruto admitted. “I thought it would get boring day after day, since you’ve had it for two days this week already.” Then he took in the immaculate state of the kitchen. “I figured you’d need the change, it’s not like you ever cook for yourself,” he finished flatly.

“Maybe,” Sasuke shrugged his shoulders. “Why do you even bother? It’s not like I ask you to bring me food.”

Naruto looked at him meaningfully. “I bother because you’re my friend.”

“Your friend, huh?” Sasuke felt slightly annoyed by Naruto’s words.

Naruto took out two plates and walked towards the living room table.

“Why bother?” Sasuke asked, “We can just eat here.”

“We can, but I want to sit down properly,” Naruto replied stubbornly.

“Fine,” Sasuke followed Naruto, after he took two glasses and a bottle of water from his shelf.

“How do you even get your groceries?” Naruto looked at the bottle.

“I asked the hokage to make someone deliver them to me,” Sasuke explained. “What’s it to you?” he added harshly.

“I’m just worried, that’s all,” Naruto shrugged his shoulders. “What have you been doing the last few days?”

“Is this turning into an interrogation?” Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

“Just attempting to make small talk,” Naruto grumbled.

“You suck at small talk, then,” Sasuke said offhandedly.

Naruto looked down at his food at Sasuke’s retort and started eating. Sasuke stayed silent, having anticipated some protest. As they ate their take-out lunch, Naruto was stealing furtive glances at Sasuke.

“Is there something you want to say?” Sasuke was annoyed at Naruto’s indecisiveness.

“Tonight, the old genin teams want to go for dinner, are you coming?”

“No,” Sasuke said flatly.

“Come on! It’ll be fun!”

“I said no.”

“Why do you have to be so difficult?” Naruto grumbled.

“Maybe I’m just not the type of person, who likes social gatherings. Ever thought of that?”

“I still think it’s good to get out once in a while.” Naruto may have good intentions, but he didn’t understand Sasuke.

“Not everyone is like you. Come back when you can accept that.”

“Fine,” Naruto relented. “I’ll come back tomorrow. You go back to reading books, or whatever it is you do.” He glared at Sasuke, who continued to eat in silence, completely unaffected.

Naruto stormed out of the room, leaving him to brood once more. Contrary to Naruto’s beliefs, he did go outside, but mostly ever at night, when there were no people who would regard him with scornful looks and no disillusioned women throwing themselves at him. It was ridiculous. After all he had done, he was still popular with girls, although they tended to be a bit younger now.

Even though he never showed it openly, secretly he looked forward to Naruto’s visits and became impatient, if Naruto was later than usual. It felt pathetic, but Naruto was something of a constant in his unhinged life. When he woke up in the mornings, he didn’t know whether it was real or not. _Was he really in Konoha?_ His nightmares felt too vivid; too tangible to be mere figments of his imagination.

Often, he felt as if he could still feel the blood on his hands, the grime and dirt that had been a part of his life for so many years. The worst were those about his brother. His kind, caring and gentle brother, that had died at his hands. Even if it was planned, and Itachi died to protect him and the village, it was still hard to accept that he was back in the village that started it all: The village that had taken his innocence and future from him. Naruto was still disillusioned about Sasuke, his so-called best friend. He believed there was still some part of him left that was proof of the gentle boy he used to be. Naruto was wrong.

Sasuke walked to his room, after he washed the dishes. He started his daily training routine, consisting of sit-ups, push-ups and other exercises to keep in shape. By nightfall, he made his way to the training grounds. It was late, and only the occasional light was turned on; most people were asleep already. It was just the way Sasuke liked it. Silent, quiet and deserted.

He felt a familiar presence behind him, but didn’t turn around.

“What do you want?”

“I just want to talk,” Kakashi said.

“The hokage graces me with his presence?” Sasuke smirked. “I’m touched that you’re thinking of my-wellbeing,” he said sarcastically.

“I’m not here because of you. I’m here because of Naruto’s well-being.”

“What of it?”

“I think he has been spending quite a lot of time with you lately.”

Sasuke stayed silent. Even though Kakashi was the reason he had been allowed back into the village at all, he didn’t feel much gratitude.

“So he’s the only person you will talk to?”

“Why do I have to talk to anyone?”

“At least you’re calmer than you used to be. Well, I’ll tell you what I have to say and then I won’t bother you anymore.”

Sasuke finally turned around. It was the first time he had spoken to Kakashi since he had received news of his full pardon. It was rather incomprehensible, as he even tried to kill Kakashi. There was a guarded look on his face.

“Naruto has been distracted lately. I’m sure it’s because of you,” Kakashi’s tone was accusing.

“I haven’t done anything. I leave the village in peace and want to be left in peace in return. It’s not my business if Naruto concerns himself with things that do not concern him.” It wasn’t like Sasuke had begged for Naruto’s attention.

“Ah, but as soon as it’s about you, he will make it his business, you see,” Kakashi elaborated on his accusation.

“I never asked for that.”

“It’s something that can’t be helped. He still sees you as his best-friend, no matter how much you’ve changed.” Although Kakashi’s tone sounded perfectly neutral, Sasuke was no fool. He was not Kakashi’s favorite person.

“I don’t see him as my best-friend, so this isn’t my problem.” Sasuke said stoically.

Kakashi’s narrowed his eyes. “What does Naruto mean to you?”

“He’s someone I know.”

“I’m sure that’s not all there is to it,” Kakashi remarked. “You’re probably wondering why I granted you a full pardon. It’s because it’s what Naruto would have wanted. You’re well aware that you’re not the most welcome person in the village now. I’d suggest not alienating Naruto as well.” He sounded both protective and warning.

“Hn.”

“That’s all,” Kakashi said, before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

Sasuke went home, as he felt annoyed at Kakashi’s words and affronted by what they implied. _Him, needing Naruto_? That was a rather bad joke. Ever since he was eight he had needed no one, but his revenge. Itachi was dead now, and he had lost his purpose temporarily, but he was certain that he would find another one quite soon; one that would not involve being Naruto’s _best-friend_.

It was late and he decided to go to bed early, taking one off the numerous books delivered to his apartment. He was not an avid reader by any means, but he did enjoy it. Lately, there hadn’t been much to do, as he avoided going outside, especially when he didn’t want to encounter anyone he might now.

The next day at noon, Naruto’s routine visit came about once more. This time, however, he held a bag of groceries in his hands. As he noticed Sasuke’s inquiring look, he flushed a bit.

“I don’t have money to buy take-out lunch all the time,” Naruto avoided eye contact.

“If it was money you needed, you could have told me so. I thought you would have money. After all, you did save the village,” Sasuke commented.

“Well, I don’t,” Naruto said flatly.

Sasuke decided to let it drop. He walked over to his coat and took out his wallets, handing Naruto some money.

“That should be enough.”

“Does that mean you want me to continue buying you lunch?” Naruto asked hopefully.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “I never said that. It should be enough for what you bought so far.”

“But this is more than your share.”

“Consider it a tip, then,” Sasuke brushed it off.

“Fine. Anyway, I thought we could cook today. I read this recipe in Sakura’s book…” Naruto trailed off, walking towards the kitchen. The anxiousness and excitement were seeping from his voice.

“Since when can you cook?” Sasuke raised an eyebrow, leaning on the doorframe.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Naruto grumbled.

“You look like someone who can’t even cook noodles.”

“I’ll show you!” Naruto went to work, washing and chopping vegetables.

Sasuke watched him working with mild interest, wondering whether Naruto was really able to produce anything edible at all. After ten minutes, he decided to intervene. The vegetables were mutilated and cut into uneven and unaesthetic pieces, while the noodles were cooking for just slightly too long. It didn’t look like Naruto would turn his attention to them anytime soon.

“Let me,” Sasuke sighed.

He took the knife from Naruto’s hands and pushed him away.

“Hey!” Naruto shouted indignantly. “I wasn’t done yet.”

“This looks terrible. I’ll make the food, or we will both get poisoned.”

“It’s not that bad,” Naruto pouted.

Sasuke raised both eyebrows.

“Ok, fine, it does look bad,” Naruto looked at his work. “Gah, I’ll just go into the living room and wait or something.”

Sasuke nodded and mulled over what he could salvage from Naruto’s work. Fifteen minutes later, he was done and satisfied.

“Come here,” Sasuke called Naruto.

“Coming!”

“Take out two bowls and chopsticks,” he ordered.

“Mhh, this smells delicious,” Naruto looked over Sasuke’s shoulder.

Sasuke was acutely aware of the body heat radiating from Naruto, and it made him feel uncomfortable. He elbowed Naruto, before he carried the pot to the living room.

“This is the first time someone cooked for me.”

Sasuke felt almost sorry for Naruto, but then again he wasn’t the type to feel sorry. He said nothing.

Naruto changed the topic. “So today, I went to the academy again and showed the children how to do henge. I almost wanted to do my sexy no jutsu for old time’s sake, but I didn’t want to scare the children off,” Naruto chuckled.

“And you’re telling me this, why?”

“I thought you might be interested.”

“Well, I’m not.” Sasuke put some noodles into his bowl, before taking some of the tomato sauce he had made. Did Naruto buy tomatoes on purpose?

“So we should just sit in front of each other and not say a word to each other?” Naruto sounded disappointed.

Sasuke continued to eat in silence, deciding that it would be answer enough.

“Fine,” Naruto relented and ate his noodles in silence; the only noises coming from both of them were occasional slurps.

He wondered when Naruto had become so accommodating. “Since when do you listen to what I say?”

Naruto looked at him for a moment, surprised. Then his eyes softened, and there was a gentle look in them. “You said I should come back, when I can accept that you’re different. I can accept it now, you know. It doesn’t mean I like the way you are.”

“Just like that? I should have said that much earlier, then,” Sasuke joked.

Naruto smiled sadly. “I think you said it to me many times, through your actions. This time, I truly want to try and understand you. I always wanted to help you in the past, but I was never able to understand you. I’ll try now, but please be patient with me.”

“Patience isn’t my strong suit,” Sasuke rebuffed him.

“You might be more impatient than others, but you’re not more impatient than me.”

“It’s impossible to be more impatient than you,” Sasuke said dryly.

Naruto grinned. “If you can make jokes at my expense, then you’re feeling much better.”

“Who said I was joking?” Sasuke raised an eyebrow.

“Shut up!” Naruto shouted with reddened cheeks.

Sasuke smirked, loving the way he was able to rile Naruto up easily. “I thought you wanted us to talk?”

“That’s not what I meant by talking, and you know it,” Naruto’s eyes narrowed.

“I’m not interested in talking about ‘friends’, former comrades or anything like that.”

“What are you interested in, then?” Naruto seemed genuinely curious, so Sasuke decided to indulge him.

“New jutsu, history, anything that doesn’t have to with konoha,” he hissed out the last part.

“That sounds nice,” Naruto pondered, ignoring the last part. “I’m not really good at history,” he laughed awkwardly.

“I expected as much.”

“Is there nothing else?” Naruto probed.

“Not really,” Sasuke said. He had never been the best conversation partner.

“There’s still so much I don’t know about you, Sasuke.”

“I prefer to keep it that way.” He said coldly.

“Why do you always have to be difficult?” Naruto was frustrated.

“Aren’t you the one who said he would try to understand me a little better?” Sasuke said, irritated.

“I did!”

“Then act like it.” For some reason, he wanted Naruto to make good on his words.

“Fine, then help me. What are you thinking at the moment?”

“That sounds like something a woman would ask,” Sasuke remarked.

“Whatever. Just answer the question,” Naruto grumbled.

“And if I don’t?” Sasuke taunted him.

“Then don’t, I don’t care!” Naruto snapped.

“I’ll answer.”

“Really?” Naruto looked at him with hopeful eyes.

“I’m not thinking about anything,” he confessed.

“I don’t believe that. There’s always something to think about. Like, every day I think: How do I get Sasuke to go outside?”

“That sounds like a rather boring and unnecessary way to spend your time.”

“It’s not - it’s important and necessary to think about! Now, tell me!”

“I told you already,” Sasuke bristled.

“I don’t believe it!”

“Believe what you want. If I don’t feel, then I don’t have to think.”

“What did you just say?” Naruto’s voice was quiet.

He looked at Sasuke intently, who met his eyes.

Sasuke stayed quiet. He had revealed more than he had meant to, but then again he was always most honest to Naruto. There was just something about him that told him Naruto would listen, even if he didn’t understand.

“What do you mean, you don’t feel?” Naruto continued to ask.

“I don’t know, okay!” Sasuke grew frustrated. “I’m not thinking about much of anything because there is nothing to think of. The fight is over and there’s no more to fight for.”

“Life isn’t about fighting, but fighting for the people you love,” Naruto told him. It was obvious that he was thinking about someone, while he offered his thoughts. He looked distracted.

“There’s no one to fight for anymore.” The only people Sasuke had fought for were dead.

“I can help you feel, if you let me. Sakura, Kakashi and I, we’re going for dinner tonight, just come with me. Sakura really wants to see you.”

“I doubt that.”

“I just told you, it’s true!” Naruto shouted.

“Is that all?”

“What else is there than going out and meeting people?” Naruto asked, confused.

“I’ll tell you, if you sleep with me.” Sasuke said unabashedly. He sounded a lot more confident and sure of himself, than he really was. Even though the words were said aloud for the first time and he barely even admitted it to himself, he meant them. Somewhere, in a hidden part of himself, he just needed to feel alive once more. The darkness had engulfed him so tightly, that he could barely recognize himself.

Naruto laughed awkwardly. “Nice joke, Sasuke.”

 

 

 


End file.
